Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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