He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
