This girl is more easily done than said...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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