I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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