you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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