I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
