If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
