I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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