Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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