I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
