It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
