The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
