Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize