You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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