peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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