It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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