her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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