I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
