there's paper in my vomit.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
