i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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