I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
