apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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