took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
