he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
