and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
