i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
