Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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