hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
