so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
