I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So much rum. So many feels.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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