Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
