hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
