it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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