11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
