dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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