I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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