Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
