i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Girls should come with a carfax report
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
