oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
