No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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