Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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