That's when you crack a 10am beer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
