This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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