thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
