guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
