I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night