I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season