you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she peed on how many people?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.