Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7194) Bad night (925)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

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  (706): lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand. http://tfl.nu/av0q
  Replies (58) Good night (6344) Bad night (853)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.

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  (702): you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/rajr
  Replies (11) Good night (4106) Bad night (883)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.

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  (479): just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation. http://tfl.nu/5hwm
  Replies (162) Good night (1266) Bad night (6849)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

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  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (37) Good night (10919) Bad night (1013)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.

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  (712): We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this. http://tfl.nu/g847
  Replies (16) Good night (3679) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.

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  (518): I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold. http://tfl.nu/adho
  Replies (4) Good night (2025) Bad night (968)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  He called his prostate his "boner button".

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  (440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr
  Replies (17) Good night (1629) Bad night (3338)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.

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  (815): I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time. http://tfl.nu/qrqx
  Replies (7) Good night (2406) Bad night (792)
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  (310): View more from California

  I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.

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  (310): I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer. http://tfl.nu/s9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (2627) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
  Replies (8) Good night (1978) Bad night (961)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.

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  (202): i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not. http://tfl.nu/o6ew
  Replies (3) Good night (1727) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.

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  (916): New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know. http://tfl.nu/vjk4
  Replies (1) Good night (1504) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete

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  (973): They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete http://tfl.nu/wsoe
  Replies (3) Good night (1844) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????

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  (513): CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT???? http://tfl.nu/8dlj
  Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (320)

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