I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors