Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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