Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less

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  (215): Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less http://tfl.nu/o2ix
  Replies (25) Good night (634) Bad night (1041)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.

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  (801): I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight. http://tfl.nu/gp42
  Replies (11) Good night (4772) Bad night (1079)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

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  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (39) Good night (9171) Bad night (1592)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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  (413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4
  Replies (24) Good night (1419) Bad night (5083)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.

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  (618): She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover. http://tfl.nu/cpec
  Replies (13) Good night (4257) Bad night (1098)
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  (310): View more from California

  I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub

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  (310): I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub http://tfl.nu/zgaw
  Replies (7) Good night (3816) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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  (843): REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON http://tfl.nu/qqb2
  Replies (12) Good night (1422) Bad night (2642)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

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  (804): I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast. http://tfl.nu/dcvd
  Replies (26) Good night (1802) Bad night (3493)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.

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  (816): It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain. http://tfl.nu/o28o
  Replies (1) Good night (1400) Bad night (634)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.

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  (206): Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack. http://tfl.nu/15rr
  Replies (6) Good night (1708) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?

  (940): View more from Texas

  I worry about you.

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  (817): What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes? (940): I worry about you. http://tfl.nu/kzw0
  Replies (6) Good night (714) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.

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  (201): Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/7gqm
  Replies (18) Good night (1403) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)

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  (256): I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;) http://tfl.nu/t2s6
  Replies (1) Good night (1107) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"

  (917): View more from New York City

  Rigtt?!

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  (718): I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts" (917): Rigtt?! http://tfl.nu/6krm
  Replies (0) Good night (647) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.

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  (978): THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT. http://tfl.nu/7was
  Replies (5) Good night (406) Bad night (473)

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