Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin