i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
