so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
