So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
