omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
