So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
