apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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