I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
