I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
