i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
