So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
