I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
