i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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