Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
