she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
