if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
