Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
