listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
