She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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