I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
