a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
