yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
