Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm passing your future prison.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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