I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
