oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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